How to be responsible for your own happiness in a relationship

Part of my work as Marriage counselor, relationship – and life coach is to read as much as I can.  The following pointers is a result of my reading. I want to give credit to all the wise people whose books and articles have helped me to become the person I am, and still inspire me to grow. Here are some pointers to having the relationship you deserve:  Don’t be a fix-it person, be a … read more


Who are you when no-one’s looking?

When you were born, you had the potential to become anybody. When you were a small child, the  world belonged to you. You were courageous, adventurous, open and flexible. When you failed, you tried again and again…until you succeeded. But you were also exposed to your parents’ fears, their beliefs and values. As you got older you experienced rejection, judgement, disapproval and limitations. You started to believe that you were not perfect, that you had … read more


Values and Relationships

Today I want to quote dr John F Demartitni. He says in his book “The Heart of Love”: “Wisdom is honouring other people’s value systems, knowing they’re going to live by them no matter what, and learning to truly love and appreciate that.  Continually ask yourself, How are my highest values served by them doing what they love?’ You’ll find again and again that whatever you’re challenged to embrace in a person, represents your own … read more


Open up to possibilities

I grew up on a farm in Namibia. Endless miles of veld with so much life and beauty to be experienced by the bold. When you go for a walk in the bush, you can stick to the road. It’s safe, predictable and you’ll know exactly where you’re going. You’ll see wild animals from afar if you’re lucky, you’ll hear the birds and now and again you’ll be covered by dust as a car passes … read more


Do you know what you really need?

According to Cloé Madanes in her book,  Relationship Breakthrough, all of us have basic needs that underlie and motivate every choice we make. She says the six needs everyone seeks to fulfill are: Certainty/Comfort Everyone needs to have some sense of certainty and security. The degree to which certainty is desired, however, varies from one person to the next. What constitutes certainty also varies from individual to individual. Code words for this need are comfort, … read more