How to be responsible for your own happiness in a relationship

  • By Elze Pieters
  • Comments Off on How to be responsible for your own happiness in a relationship

Part of my work as Marriage counselor, relationship – and life coach is to read as much as I can.  The following pointers is a result of my reading. I want to give credit to all the wise people whose books and articles have helped me to become the person I am, and still inspire me to grow. Here are some pointers to having the relationship you deserve: 

  • Don’t be a fix-it person, be a partner.
  • Don’t let your worry about hurting someone’s feelings keep you from speaking your truth.
  • Ask for what you want and need – no- one can read your mind.
  • Beware of trying too hard to please, you stop being yourself when you do that.
  • Let go of the need to control or micromanage.
  • Give it time. Don’t respond when angry or hurt, think through what you want before speaking.
  • Own what is yours. There is no use in blaming others when you have a bad day or made a mistake.
  • Apologize when necessary, even if the other person played a part.
  • Don’t be too quick to give in or give up. But realize there is a place and a time for deferring or dropping it.
  • Stay in the present. Avoid future forecasting and worrying about what will happen.
  • Keep in mind that all relationships are work. Keep asking yourself: Is it good enough?
  • Trust your gut. Your intuitive wisdom never lies.
  • Let go. Avoid getting attached to any outcome, but stay open to possibilities.
  • Be yourself – Always!
  • Whenever you question yourself whether you belong with your life partner, ask yourself how you usually feel in his/her arms.
  • Don’t expect any one person to meet all your needs.
  • Be reasonable and forgiving.
  • Be flexible about give-and –take.
  • Be aware that you will both experience ancient fears, pains and trust issues in your current relationship, but they may not be about what is happening now. You both have traumatic history and patterns to reprogram. Discuss your feelings and experiences with each other; banish blame and see what is really going on.
  • Rest easy. Sometimes you just have to sleep on it. Trust that you’ll be given what you need exactly when you need it.
  • Say ‘Thank you’, ‘I love you’ and ‘you’re the best’ whenever it occurs to you.
  • Do nice things.
  • Beware of attributing motivation to your partner’s behaviour. Instead of assuming you know why he/she did something, ask about his/her intention. Chances are your assumption is wrong.
  • Make time for fun.
  • Focus on what really matters.