Who are you when no-one’s looking?


When you were born, you had the potential to become anybody. When you were a small child, the  world belonged to you. You were courageous, adventurous, open and flexible. When you failed, you tried again and again…until you succeeded.

But you were also exposed to your parents’ fears, their beliefs and values. As you got older you experienced rejection, judgement, disapproval and limitations. You started to believe that you were not perfect, that you had to change to be loved and accepted.

You tried to fit into the roles you believed were prescribed by society.

You became the person you believed you had to be to be loved and accepted.

Most people arrive at a point where they start questioning their lives – taking stock so to speak. Sometimes it’s part of the mid-life changes, or it can be triggered by an unhappy relationship, loss or a dead-end job.

Whatever the reason, if you’ve asked yourself something like “Is this as good as it gets?” you are ready to explore and discover your true self.

One of the first questions to ask is, “What is important to me?”

What do you care about?  What would you like more of in your life, work, relationship?

What would make you stay in a situation if everything goes wrong?

What is the one thing that will make you leave when everything else goes well?

Can you recall a time when life was amazing; when you felt on top of the world? When you think about that time or situation, what was there that made you so happy? What is important to you about this time?

When you think about what makes you sad, angry, frustrated, can you pinpoint what is absent in these situations?

How is that important to you?

What stops you being true to yourself? How is that important to you?

The answers to these questions point to the values that are most important to you. How true are you to your values? Do you live them every day?

Becoming aware of your core values brings you closer to your own authenticity. Living an un-authentic life brings stress and unhappiness. It ruins relationships you’re in and limits you in your growth both on a personal and professional level.

Awareness is a magic word. Spend time with yourself, honour the things that are important to you and become the person you were born to be.